Day 5

I am so tired tonight. It has been a big week. And I have to drive tomorrow for an hour to go to supervision, and then its therapy day. Thank goodness. I haven't been to see my therapist for quite a few weeks. We just couldn't make it happen, hence the break, but now I am going and it is quite a relief. Most of the time I like going to therapy. It must be what Catholics like about confession, ha except I am the only one who can forgive myself for my sins. I could say therapy is all about me but there are quite a few other personalities in the room. First of all there is my feelings as well. They push their way through the door along with my emotions, and my anxiety and my guilt. I go to sit on the chair but they race me there and are quick to eject me when they think it is their turn to get a hearing. After an hour I find it to be cathartic but at the time it can be an ordeal. Once I remember bursting into tears, and through hicups and deep breaths crying to my therapist that she must hate me coming and that I must be her worst client. She was quick to reasure me that I was not her worst client and I was to believe her when she said that some she dreaded, but I was not one of them.

As all my problems and my first family are laid out on the floor, the table, the window sill, (they take up a lot of room) and myself at all the ages I ever been, I guess its a bit like in the moments before you die and your life flashes before your eyes, except you dont die, I have to pick myself up and go out and face the world again. But by the time the hour is up it is generally ok to do that even tho I would hardly think so at half time.

So, pretty proud of myself today, got up at 6am and went to my pump class. And I feel so much better for it. In fact despite the tiredness I feel at the moment, I feel fabulous and fantastic.

So until next time

Day 4

I'm off to Pilates in a minute. Dinner is ready for my husband to cook when he gets in and my 13 year old will play some xbox. Just got home from work about 5 after doing some shopping for dinner. Have run around cleaning up and now everything is prepared.

I booked the new personal trainer last night. She is coming on Saturday. She can train the 3 of us which is pretty exciting. I am looking forward to meeting her and seeing what she is like and what ideas she has.

My commitment on Face book has been successful so far. I have thought of many excuses today to not go to Pilates but because it is only on again tomorrow at 10.30 and Thursdays are my day for doing admin work and then it is on again on Saturday morning, I have to go tonight so I can fulfill my public commitment. And it feels so good to stick to something.

I best be off, dont want to be late.

Until next time

Day 3

This is cool. I am really enjoying this blogging.

Made some gym commitment goals on Face book last night. It felt good to make a public goal. Makes me feel more committed to keeping it. And I set my alarm for 6am, jumped out of bed and went and did my Abs and Stretch class at the gym. This is a great class for my back as after several severe back injuries I need all the stretching I can get, however not much of a calorie burner I'm afraid. I was feeling so pumped when I got home and feeling hungry, I ate one piece of toast, then I was full, quite disappointing and quite exciting all at the same time, then went on a 1 hour walk, up hill and down and then on to the beach. Once again the weather caved in but I was more prepared this time so continued on regardless. My poor little Andy tho, my black 3 year old staffy was looking a bit cold and looking at me as if I was crazy.

The temptation to get on the scales this morning was almost more than I could bear, but I resisted and feel better for it. I am trying to disconnect from "Instant Gratification" as it can dominate my life at times - great chunks of my life actually.

Today I am off on my trek. Once a week I practice my counselling at a small coastal town about an hour and a half drive from where I live. It is normally a Monday but yesterday I was at my course so I go on a Tuesday. I think I will change this tho because I try and have Tuesdays off and really do resent giving up my day off as there is no time then for the rest of the week for me. Note to self: No more working Tuesdays!!!

And I am having lunch with my mother....and that is another story for another day.

Until next time

Day 2

Weighed in today. Decided to use a different form of measurement. I am tired of those nasty predictable kilos. I know the sight of them so well and I find them quite demoralizing. So this morning before I climbed on the scales I switched the button to pounds. Ha! I have no idea on the conversion of these little dudes, even tho I know it would be and is remarkably easy to do on the ever useful iphone, I am not even going to go there. All I know is that there is heaps of them and that must mean that they are easier to donate to the universe.

So here is my weight in pounds for today 202.2lbs

My second form of measurement is my brown pinstripe trousers.

Bought from Noni B. Liz Jordan brand. Size 18. Feeling of fit today: A little snug when sitting down.

I may report on the pants quite often, even on a daily basis, however the weight at this point in time will be reported on in 2 weeks. The reasoning behind this is that according to Paul McKenna whose book I read and whose techniques I will be following says, that slim people dont weigh themselves, in fact most of them dont even know how much they weigh and as I am going to be one of them really soon I may as well get into the mode.

So there it is.

The rules for this weight donation are:

1. Eat when you are hungry

2. Eat only what you want, never what you think you 'should'

3. Eat consciously and enjoy every mouthful.

4. Stop when you even think you are full.

How easy does that sound. Now I did a bit of a trial run of this technique a couple of weeks ago and found it quite easy to implement, however it did bring up a few things for me that I found quite confronting. But that is what this blog is for. To write all about it.

Right now I am doing the above and also

Picturing myself slim, then making that picture brighter, seeing what I can see, hearing what I can hear.

I did meet a friend of mine for lunch today, somewhere I had never really been before and had to deal with traffic etc, and by the time I sat down to eat was quite oblivious to my new rules, but much to my delight the first feeling of being full brought my awareness back to my body and I was able to stop eating straight away. Hurrah!!

Exercise today: 40 min walk, up hill and down. Would have walked further but the weather caught me off guard and I was unprepared for the squally rain and wind.

So until next time

Day 1

Today is day one in my forty ninth year. I have been starting journals for years and they all sit gathering dust on my extensive bookshelf. One day someone will throw them away and that will be that. So this year I am putting my journal out into the universe and if someone taps into it so be it and if no one does then so be it. I am planning some major changes in my 49th year and I am also employing this blog to support me thru these incredible changes.

Changes that I know will occur.

1. I am to become a grandmother at the end of November. This has already created profound changes in my life. The changes in my relationship with my daughter being huge but not at a level obvious to all. My daughter and I have had a wonderful relationship, not without its bumps and bruises but without bitterness and rancor that some mother/daughters experience. This close relationship has deepened, sharing in the mother daughter wisdom of extending ourselves into the next generation at a cellular level.

2. I am going to share a journey of weight donation. Recently I discovered that if we use the word "loss" in regard to shedding unwanted kilos then we spend all our time looking for them as we would our keys or purse if we lost them. To change my thinking I shall engage in the thought process of donating weight to the universe. I also plan to engage in NLP to help me donate this weight...more on that later.

3. Menopause. Well I'm not quite there yet but I'm not far away and over the next year I'm sure there will be some profound changes

So a little about me.

I am 48 years old and have lived in England, Ireland, Africa and Australia.

I am married to my beautiful husband. We have been married for 16 years

I have been married before. My eldest 2 children are to my first marriage

My son is 24 and my daughter who is having a baby is 22

My youngest son is 13 and he is from my second marriage.

I work part time in a business with my husband, mainly a managerial role/admin/payroll

And I have been studying over the last 5 years and am now a counsellor.

I celebrated my 48th birthday yesterday with my family and some friends. It was a gorgeous spring day and I enjoyed it immensely. This birthday brought with it the winds of permanent change of which I will embrace.

Welcome to my journey

Until next time